Loneliness is a problem faced by almost a quarter of people of all ages, particularly seniors, and affects both mental and physical health.  We all long for connection with other people.  In a time where we have the technology for more social connectivity than ever before, it’s paradoxical that we live in a time of tremendous loneliness and isolation.

There are many reasons for loneliness, many aspects underlying it, and no one answer fits everyone.  For starters, however, what does help is reaching out to find some sort of meaningful engagement, particularly involvement with other people.  That might be joining someone for a walk, volunteering, or joining a club, or it might be as simple as smiling, waving, or saying hello to a neighbour.

If you’re lonely, or know someone who is, don’t wait.  Reach out and get connected.  If you’re unsure how to do that — take the first step… Talk to Fran.

It’s easy for conversations to get boring, day after day, year after year.  Some couples end up hardly speaking, or just talk about logistics… while other couples avoid talking about anything that might bring about conflict.  Either way, couples grow more distant instead of thriving.

I recently read about two questions that might help.  “What would you like to be acknowledged for today?” and “What would you like me to know about you today?”  The trick is in acknowledging what we ourselves have done, thought, or felt, and sharing that with our partner.  At first, it may feel stilted and awkward, but ultimately these questions give way to better conversation.  There are many fireside chats to be had that can be deeply meaningful and sustaining to a relationship — and fun, too!

If you’d like to learn more about having better conversations, take the first step:  Talk to Fran.

I was curious myself, so I looked it up.  This is straight from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health.  In any given year, 1 in 5 Canadians experiences a mental health or addiction problem.  By the time we reach age 40, at least half of us have (or have had) a mental illness.  Men have higher rates of addiction, while women have higher rates of mood and anxiety disorders.  The economic burden of mental illness in Canada is estimated at $51 billion per year, including $6 billion in lost productivity costs due to absenteeism and presenteeism.

What’s important to know is that with appropriate treatment and support, most people with a mental illness will recover. The key is to act early.  There is no need to suffer in silence.

If you, or someone you know is suffering, reach out and get the help you deserve.  Take the First Step… Talk to Fran.

This summer, I spent two weeks with an almost-three-year-old child who insistently asked, “Why?”  A parent of young children will recognize this normal stage of child development.  Rather than tossing off the “Because I said so” answer I’d heard as a child, I decided to follow this and see where it went.  “Let’s go to the ocean.”  Why?  “Because it’s interesting.”  Why?  “Because there might be some new shells there to find.”  Why?  “Because the ocean may have washed some up.”  Why?  “Because that’s what the ocean does.”  Why?  Eventually, the only thing I could say was — “Good question.”  Inevitably, every “Why” led to something else, certain to be interesting, challenging, often mysterious, and something I hadn’t thought about.

What a wonderful question — Why?  Keep asking yourself the question.  The depth of the answers may surprise you.

If you’d like to learn new ways of seeing things, take the first step:  Talk to Fran.

Retirement can be a mixed blessing.  It comes with time to explore new interests, travel, and fulfill other dreams, but it also means spending a LOT more time together.  This often brings unanticipated stress, sometimes to the brink of divorce.

Here are some tips for easing through the transition:

• Maintain your usual routines, activities, and social contacts
• Plan outings together that you both enjoy
• Change up the sharing of tasks, eg. finances, cooking, cleaning
• Make time every day to listen and support your partner
• Most importantly, talk about it

Things that you might have put up with about your partner in the past are suddenly front and center.  It’s important to deal with them, and talk about your differences and longings openly and frankly.

Need some help?  Take the first step:  Talk to Fran.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Here are a few tips to help make sure that your marriage is as beautiful as your wedding day:

1.  Make space and time for each other, every day;
2.  There will be differences between you.  Learn to recognize them, and talk about them openly and respectfully before they turn into scary topics;
3. When you disagree, learn how to repair.  Quickly.
4. Men, the best thing you can do is to totally cherish your wife.  When we shines, tell her.  You’ll feel like a million bucks, too?

It takes commitment, trust, and skills to make for a successful and happy long-term partnership.  If you’d like to learn more, take the first step:  Talk to Fran.

It’s easy to fall into a pattern of having too much to do, too little time and feel stressed, unappreciated, and overwhelmed.  Many of us have been called lazy if we do nothing.  And yet, that’s precisely what we sometimes need to do.

Stopping for a minute… an hour… a day… a week… a month… or even a year… can real large rewards.  When we take the time to do nothing but just be, we create space to get in touch with ourselves in a new way.  The answer to an elusive question may come.  Clarity about our priorities may arise.  A sense of greater connection with other people, with nature, and with our inner Self are the rewards of spending quiet time.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with life and want to learn how to stop, take the first step:  Talk to Fran.

Creative people are often said to have an open mind.  The rest of us often think we’re not capable of it.  But we are — all we need to do is stop putting limitations on ourselves.  If we settle on the first thing that comes to mind, we often miss the spark of the best idea we might ever have.  It takes a bit of effort, but challenging ourselves to think, “How else could we…?” stretches our mind, and opens up space to think and do things differently.  Often with meaningful and inspiring results.

Remember those brainstorming exercises back in school, like list as many ways as possible to use a paper clip?  They were meant to get us thinking of many possibilities, opening our minds to other ways of doing things.  It’s a useful skill for life.

If you’d like to learn new ways of doing things, take the first step:  Talk to Fran.

Absolutely, yes.  Depression among men has been described as a silent epidemic, as men have tended to hide their condition to avoid being perceived as weak or unmanly.  When hidden, depression in men shows up in other ways — for example, physical symptoms such as headaches or digestive problems.  Irritability or hostility are often rooted in untreated depression.  Excessive drinking, overworking, and sexual acting out are often attempts to escape depression, but cause more suffering.  It’s important for men to begin talking about it, and for all of us to listen.

If you’re a man suffering from depression, know that it is definitely treatable.  If you know a man who’s depressed, encourage him to seek the help that he deserves.  If you need help, take the first step… Talk to Fran.